A parrot joke I may have told before…

…but it won’t hurt to tell it again.

A Baptist preacher [note to non-American Gentle Readers: Baptists preachers notoriously dislike the use of profanity, to the extent that I generally refer to profanity on this website as “non-Baptist adjectives”]…anyway, a Baptist preacher buys a parrot at the pet store, only to get home and discover that it has absolutely appalling, make-a-sailor-blush language. And the pet shop refuses to take it back. He spends months trying to untrain the bird to no effect and finally in frustration yells at the critter, “You drop one more f-bomb and I swear I’ll throw you in the deep-freeze for half an hour, and we’ll see if THAT makes a difference!”

“F— you,” answers the bird. And with that the preacher yanks open the door to the cage, grabs the startled bird, and hurls him into the deep-freeze. After five minutes or so, though, he calms down and starts to feel guilty about mistreating the parrot, who after all can’t be expected to know any better; so he goes and opens the deep-freeze door.

Out steps the parrot, who promptly addresses the astonished minister thusly:

“My dear sir, I fear I owe you an apology. I understand now the error of my ways. I now see clearly that there are standards that, as a privileged member of this household, I must uphold. And I assure you that I will do so in the future; you will never again have reason to object to anything I say or to the phrasing in which I say it.”

The minister hardly knows what to say, but stammers, “Well…um…I’m glad to hear it.”

“By the way, purely as a matter of curiosity,” adds the parrot, “…what, exactly, did the turkey say?”

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