Adventures in Ordering Coffee

SCENE: A Houston Starbucks with not very good acoustics and a whole bunch of ambient noise.

STARBUCKS GUY: What can I get started for you?
ME: A venti whole-milk latte.
SG: A venti latte with no foam; got it.
ME: No, a venti latte with whole milk.
SG: Ah, sorry, a venti latte with cold milk.
ME (with relentlessly polite but extremely clear enunciation): No, a venti latte with [pause] whole [pause] milk.
SG: A venti whole-milk latte?
ME: Exactly.
SG: OK, can I get a name for that order?
ME: Kenny.
SG: OK, Danny, it’ll be right out.

The drink was the right drink once I got it, by the way.

Helen’s new car

Helen hates green cars, so naturally since marrying her I have bought not one, but TWO green minivans. She really likes red and every so often reminds me that sooner or later I’m supposed to get her a fun red car, and with this new job I got enough of a signing bonus to get her a surprise. Shhhhhhhhh! — nobody tell her about it in advance and spoil it. Craigslist is a wonderful thing, eh?

red car for Helen

Of course, my kids are reading this and feeling a sense of terror at the thought that I might have actually found this thing — because they know perfectly well that I would get a huge kick out of driving it around in public. Like, to pick them up after school, for example.