SCENE: A Houston Starbucks with not very good acoustics and a whole bunch of ambient noise.
STARBUCKS GUY: What can I get started for you?
ME: A venti whole-milk latte.
SG: A venti latte with no foam; got it.
ME: No, a venti latte with whole milk.
SG: Ah, sorry, a venti latte with cold milk.
ME (with relentlessly polite but extremely clear enunciation): No, a venti latte with [pause] whole [pause] milk.
SG: A venti whole-milk latte?
SG: OK, can I get a name for that order?
SG: OK, Danny, it’ll be right out.
The drink was the right drink once I got it, by the way.
Ladies and gentlement, I give you the Oboe Mute. I am given to understand that it also works well for banjos.
Helen hates green cars, so naturally since marrying her I have bought not one, but TWO green minivans. She really likes red and every so often reminds me that sooner or later I’m supposed to get her a fun red car, and with this new job I got enough of a signing bonus to get her a surprise. Shhhhhhhhh! — nobody tell her about it in advance and spoil it. Craigslist is a wonderful thing, eh?
Of course, my kids are reading this and feeling a sense of terror at the thought that I might have actually found this thing — because they know perfectly well that I would get a huge kick out of driving it around in public. Like, to pick them up after school, for example.
HT: failblog (can’t link to them because not everything is family-friendly)